Today is January 5th, 2013.
Today I weigh in at 329 lbs.
The past 10 years or so I have roughly gained 179 lbs, which translates to about 18 lbs per year.
I haven’t always been over weight. I was never the skinniest girl in school but I was healthy. I was athletic, playing softball and volleyball all through high school and I did basketball once in middle school.
So what happened?
Good question. I could sit here and tell you my life story but that’s a different blog for a different day. So short synopsis would be that I had some early child hood issues that I suppressed for a few years and then I had my heart broken in high school and that all led to bad eating habits. I coped with food. I didn’t know it at the time, but that’s what I was doing. And so I hid. I buried issues and feelings with food. Life went on but those eating habits became normal. And one day I woke up 200 lbs heavier. It wasn’t really overnight…but during this weight gain time span, I was in a fog and in denial that there was problem.
I should pause here and tell you that I love Jesus. While I was baptized around age 13, it’s really just in the past 3 years or so that I have come to really, deeply, whole-heartedly, fall in love with a man who came to this earth, suffered in just about every way possible and died…so that I could know life, know love, and know Him. As I was drawing closer to Him, He began to show me areas of my life that I hadn’t dealt with yet and that I hadn’t turned over to him. And so began the process of examining my heart.
I knew that I had underlying emotional issues that were being masked from myself through food. I didn’t want to admit it at first, but it was undeniable. I would gorge and then feel terrible….and I just began to take note of why I did it. I would consider what feelings I was experiencing before, during and after eating. And asked Jesus to help me understand these moments and to heal emotionally/spiritually through Him.
I’d like to tell you that it is an easy, finished process, but the fact of the matter is that I am still working through these things. Which is partially what this blog is about. My journey. I intend to succeed and regain my health…and as I told my husband tonight, documenting this journey could be a gift to someone who may be going through the same issues.
So sometimes this blog might be about food, exercise, spiritual happenings, or life in general. I don’t want to put it in to a box. I just want to share the journey…however it happens.